Life Is a Process of Unlearning, Learning, and Sometimes Relearning

This the phrase I often come back to, both in my work with clients and in my own life:

Life is a process of unlearning, learning, and sometimes relearning.

It’s simple, but it holds so much truth.

We’re not born with instruction manuals. Most of what we know—how we show up in relationships, how we cope with stress, how we treat ourselves, was picked up along the way. Some of it was taught to us directly. Much of it was absorbed silently: through family dynamics, school environments, cultural expectations, and our earliest experiences of love and safety.

Some of what we learned has served us well. Other things… not so much.

And that’s where the unlearning begins.

Unlearning

Unlearning doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means looking at what we’ve been carrying and asking, “Is this still true? Is this still helping me?”

Sometimes we uncover beliefs like:

• “I have to earn love by being useful.”

• “If I’m not perfect, I’ll be rejected.”

• “It’s safer to stay small than to risk being seen.”

These messages may have made sense once. They were our way of staying safe, staying connected, staying afloat. But as life shifts, those old rules can quietly hold us back.

Unlearning is an act of self-compassion. It’s giving ourselves permission to question the internal scripts we never consciously chose.

Learning

Once we start to release what no longer serves us, we make space for something new.

We begin learning things like:

• How to trust our own voice

• How to set boundaries without guilt

• How to ask for help

• How to rest

• How to stay present, even when it’s hard

Learning is often messy and imperfect. It’s not about getting it right the first time—it’s about staying curious.

And Sometimes… Relearning

There are seasons where we feel like we’re starting from scratch. The tools we once used don’t quite fit anymore. Or maybe we thought we had something figured out, only to find ourselves back in a familiar old pattern.

That’s okay, too.

Sometimes healing means returning to the same lesson with new eyes. With more tenderness. With deeper self-awareness.

Relearning doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human.

A Practice, Not a Destination

This mantra: unlearning, learning, and relearning—isn’t a one-time process. It’s a lifelong rhythm.

And on the days when growth feels hard, I try to remind myself of that. There is no straight line. There is no perfect timeline. Just layers unfolding. Just gentle steps forward.

If you’re in the middle of unlearning old patterns, learning new ways of being, or relearning lessons that life keeps offering, know that you’re not alone.

This is the work.

This is the healing.

This is the becoming.

And it’s worth it.